Day 2: Top 100 Reasons Kim Bauer Is A Fucking Moron (Part 1)

24
Status: Returning
Premiered: November 6, 2001
Last Aired: Still Airing
Show Categories:Action/Adventure, Drama
TV.Com Ratings Rank: 204 of 18,005

Series Games: Top 100 List!

(in order of appearance)

1) She decides to sneak out of the house despite the fact that her father runs a fucking covert ops government agency! Um, think he might find out?!?

2) She thinks "LIFESUCKS" is a clever password. Was "CLICHEPASSWORD" already taken?

3) Taste In Friends #1: Janet York. Or, as I like to call her, the 2001 Darwin Award winner. By no small coincidence, Janet was also the 2001 Dumb Assed Teenager first runnerup!

4) Taste In Men #1: Meet Rick, everybody! He looks like a shaved hamster, his balls are going to drop any year now, and he honestly believes nothing bad would come out of kidnapping two teenaged girls! Genius!

5) She sits meekly in the back of a van and allows two stoner losers who can't bust a grape kidnap her. What does it say about your mental capacity when you're stone cold sober and can't outwit high assed Beavis and Butthead?

6) Once she and Janet escape from TweedleStupid and TweedleMoron, she can't find one business crowded full of people to run into, can't flag one cab, and can't find one person with a cell phone in a city filled with 8 million people. Maybe because she wastes 35 minutes trying to talk ONE (1) of those eight million people into helping her instead of moving on to someone else.

7) Kim inevitably gets captured again. In the process, dumbassed Janet inevitably gets severely injured. Her kidnappers take Kim and leave Janet behind where she'll probably get taken to the hospital and not only get her injuries cared for but SHE'LL BE AWAY FROM THE KIDNAPPERS WHO HURT HER! So what does Kim demand of her kidnappers? "You have to go back and get Janet!" ... Um, I'm sorry ... but ... WHAT?

8) When is the first time Kim decides to start making some noise and being a pain in the ass of a kidnap victim? Only AFTER she's been passed off to the ruthless crime boss Gaines. Hyuck!

9) Kim finally turns Rick to her side and he helps her escape. They're at the fence. They dig a hole under it. THEY CAN LEAVE THE COMPOUND. But Kim hears her mother being brought in and refuses to leave. Um, Kim, what is being recaptured going to accomplished besides both of you dying? If Gaines only has one prisoner he can't kill them and keep leverage on Jack, so your Mom is okay until you get far enough away to get help and bring back the calvary. But, no, Kim turns back. Fucking moron.

10) After Jack rescues Kim and her mother, Kim spends half an episode fretting over Rick. Sure, he helped you, but HE ALSO KIDNAPPED YOU! Isn't Stockholm Syndrome supposed to take days or even weeks? You've been kidnapped for 12 hours, Kim!

(To Be Continued)